Cinco de Mayo OR The Burrito Whore of Los Noches
by Comatose Overdose
Summary: It's Cinco de Mayo. The day that the Burrito Whore is at his worst. God help the arrancar. Protect them from this sombrero-wearing, maraca-shaking, screeching psychopath as he tries to find the burritos Aizen has hidden. My first crack-fic.


If you are somehow offended by this for some retarded reason, shut the fuck up and get over it, because you obviously have no life. For those of you who aren't whiny little bitches, enjoy!

P.S. Utter crack!

Coma-dose

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When Grimmjow opened his eyes and sat up in bed, he immediately did the first thing on his to do list every morning.

He scratched his ass.

Of course, now that he'd done that, it was important for him to do the second thing. He looked over to the calendar.

"Oh, shit." He debated on whether or not he should actually get up, today of all days in the year. The one day when the Burrito Whore of Las Noches would be at his worst. Cinco de Mayo.

He had an important decision to make. Go back to sleep like a smart kitty, or risk his life against the Burrito Whore with the sombrero while trying to go about his daily duties before the eminent celebrations of the date began after dinner? Unfortunately, Grimmjow wasn't exactly a smart kitty. He thought he'd be able to avoid the Burrito Whore on a rampage trying to find the hidden burritos (After the fiasco a few years ago that ended with many burrito chunks somehow getting in Aaroneiro's fish tank thingy of a head, Aizen started hiding the burritos until the celebration.) and get through the day unscathed. Baka neko.

The overgrown ball of blue fluff quickly got dressed and set off towards the meeting hall, carefully, quietly, passing by the door of the Burrito Whore, careful not to disturb him, lest he unleash his dreaded burrito fury. To his horror and dismay, he sneezed unexpectedly and without warning while still creeping past the Burrito Whore's door. If he had been in his release form, his ears would have been laid back flat against his head, his tail twitching in horrified silence. The bluenette heard a rustling of bed sheets. OH NO! Had he awakened the burrito-eating beast that dwelled inside the ghastly room smelling terrifyingly strong of burrito worship?! Yes. Yes, he had. A moment later, the door swung open, revealing a short, pale figure, a sombrero covering his mask remains, his pupils dilated in insanity. The figure pulled out two brightly painted maracas from nowhere. He gave a shrill shrieking sound, much like a battle cry, a solemn promise to devour all the burritos of Las Noches, and shook the maracas violently, sprinting off in his annual search of his burritos, like the burrito whore, burrito _fiend,_ he was.

Grimmjow's eyes had steadily widened during the whole show, now nearly popping out of his skull, his jaw on the floor (literally when it came to his mask fragment. It really had fallen off. Couldn't stand going only halfway to the floor, apparently.). He quickly picked up his mask piece from the ground. Great, now he had to go back to his room (there is no sarcasm while saying this.)! Too bad it was to get his superglue. Damn mask piece.

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About fifteen minutes later, he finally made it to the meeting hall, this time successfully avoiding the Burrito Whore. Though he could hear him cackling from, literally, a mile away, still looking for his beloved burritos. And his mask was now once again attached to his face. His sat down in is spot, across from an empty seat. Of course it's empty. The Whore was still running around shaking his maracas and screaming like a psycho.

"As you all have probably figured out now, by our dear Cuarta's behavior, that it is, indeed, Cinco de Mayo." Aizen started.

Everyone groaned in response, misery overwhelming each and every one of the Espada. It was only ten in the morning. There was much more Burrito Whore Craziness to come.

"Just give him the damn burritos already and put everyone out of their misery! I can't freakin' sleep with Ulquiorra constantly screeching like a patient in an insane asylum!" Starrk said

"NOOOO!" Both of Aaroneiro's heads shouted, not forgetting about the unspeakable horror of ground beef, beans, and bits of flour tortilla swimming with them. "DON'T LET HIM GET THOSE BURRITOS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

"Calm down, Aaroneiro. We won't give them to him unless he finds them. But that would be impossible for him to do." Aizen cut in, a wide smirk on his face.

"But, Aizen-sama… How can you be so sure? Ulquiorra… He could find a burrito with all of his limbs and nose cut off!"

"Not to worry, Zommari. I'm certain he will not find them."

"How?"

"Simple. Gin and I already ate them."

There was an ear-breaking screech from the door. But it wasn't one of determination to find burritos. It was one of the despair, the deepest despair in the world, only felt by burrito whores that find out there are no more burritos. Ulquiorra's maracas fell to the ground as he himself fell to his knees, sobs wrenching from his chest.

"NOOOOOOO! NO! NO! IT CAN'T BE! THE BURRITOS CAN'T BE GONE!! AHHHHHHHH!" Tears rolled down his cheeks as he pounded the marble floor with his fists, denting it, before beginning to roll around in heart broken hysterics. "ALL I WANTED WAS A BURRITO! JUST ONE BURRITO! AND YOU DENY ME MY RIGHT TO THAT ONE BURRITO! WHAT KIND OF GOD ARE YOU, AIZEN?!" He continued to cry, his hands thrown up in the air as he proclaimed his sorrow.

"An evil one." Was all Aizen responded with as he watched the Cuarta cry his eyes out.

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Grimmjow awoke with a start.

'_Hell of a dream.'_ He thought as he scratched his ass. When he was done, he looked over to his calendar with pictures of fluffy kittens on it. He saw the date.

His scream of horror was heard throughout Las Noches.


End file.
